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" Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now. "

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" It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears. "

" Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously. "

" I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways. "

" I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked. "

" It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world. "

" I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation. "

" While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk. "

" Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive. "

" I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies. "

" I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around. "

" One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that. "

" Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out. "

" A young imagination is bold, likes to make bigger leaps. It likes to, well, imagine that the dustbuster is a dinosaur; that the computer mouse is a hotrod; that the box is a cave; that the rawhide is a torch... or a baton... or something. "

" Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore? "

" I hate homemade sweaters. "

" Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness. "

" I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things. "

" I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar. "

" My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day. "

" I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable. "

" Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote. "

" Did I end up finding a little blue pill to cure America's electoral dysfunction? Unfortunately, it's not that simple. "

" No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show. "

" Look, not embracing the 'Today' show is soooo yesterday. "

" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "

" If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her. "

" It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict. "

" I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira. "

" I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down. "

" Homemade sweaters are always itchy. "