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" No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show. "
Mo Rocca
Never
Show
Rest
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" I am a kamikaze gadfly. "
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" I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down. "
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" The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't. "
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" I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around. "
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" Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote. "
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" I bruise like a grape. "
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" I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things. "
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" Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy. "
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Great
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" Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore? "
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Media
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Television
" I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation. "
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Kid
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" I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable. "
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" I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it. "
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Coffee
Luxury
Feeling
" I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar. "
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Study
Tired
Way
" Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously. "
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Back
Who
Socks
" Look, not embracing the 'Today' show is soooo yesterday. "
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Embracing
Show
Today
" Homemade sweaters are always itchy. "
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Itchy
Homemade
Always
" Something that came as a shock to me is that we do not have a constitutional right to vote. And that's not just a fun little historical factoid. It actually has huge ramifications. It's the reason our system is so decentralized - in other words, chaotic. "
Mo Rocca
Right
Words
Vote
" I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira. "
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Behind
Mean
Appreciate
" If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her. "
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Help
Back
Her
" It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict. "
Mo Rocca
Sensitive
Jokes
Conflict
" One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that. "
Mo Rocca
Tree
Go
Father
" I hate homemade sweaters. "
Mo Rocca
Hate
Sweaters
Homemade
" While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk. "
Mo Rocca
Risk
Language
Friends
" I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways. "
Mo Rocca
Me
Hair
Feet
" Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness. "
Mo Rocca
Stocking
Goodness
Christmas
" Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now. "
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Now
Morning
Love
" My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day. "
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Year
Team
One Day
" I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked. "
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School
Know
High
" Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive. "
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Done
Bed
Mind
" Did I end up finding a little blue pill to cure America's electoral dysfunction? Unfortunately, it's not that simple. "
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Up
Finding
End