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" Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously. "
Mo Rocca
Back
Who
Socks
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" My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day. "
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" I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation. "
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" While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk. "
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" I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked. "
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" I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira. "
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" A young imagination is bold, likes to make bigger leaps. It likes to, well, imagine that the dustbuster is a dinosaur; that the computer mouse is a hotrod; that the box is a cave; that the rawhide is a torch... or a baton... or something. "
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" Something that came as a shock to me is that we do not have a constitutional right to vote. And that's not just a fun little historical factoid. It actually has huge ramifications. It's the reason our system is so decentralized - in other words, chaotic. "
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" I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies. "
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Peace
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" One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that. "
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Father
" Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now. "
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Morning
Love
" I bruise like a grape. "
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Grape
Bruise
Like
" I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar. "
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Tired
Way
" I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special. "
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Myself
Self
Me
" Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy. "
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Great
Comedy
Hypocrisy
" It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict. "
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Sensitive
Jokes
Conflict
" No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show. "
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Show
Rest
" If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her. "
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Her
" I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both funny in that ruthless, kind of mean way. "
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Cool
Funny
" I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things. "
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Things
Useless
Few
" Look, not embracing the 'Today' show is soooo yesterday. "
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Embracing
Show
Today
" Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness. "
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Stocking
Goodness
Christmas
" It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears. "
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Man
Big
Because
" Homemade sweaters are always itchy. "
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Itchy
Homemade
Always
" I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable. "
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" I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around. "
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Table
" I don't think everyone should vote. If you have to be dragged into the polls, carried into the polls and smelling salts have to be used, you probably shouldn't be voting. However, we shouldn't be putting up barriers to voting that target certain groups. "
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" The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't. "
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" I love the excess of Christmas. The shopping season that begins in September, the bad pop star recordings of Christmas carols, the decorations that don't know when to come down. "
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