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" I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice. "

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" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" One of my favourite actors of all time, although he doesn't necessarily play villains, is Peter Lorre. "

" The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything. "

" Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started. "

" Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. "

" Cricket is basically baseball on valium. "

" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

" You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. "

" I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia. "

" I've had a lot of people tell me they watched 'Old Dogs' with their kids and had a good time. "

" I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. "

" I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal. "

" It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work. "

" Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing. "

" We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. "

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person. "

" I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance. "

" The idea of having a steady job is appealing. "

" The 'Aladdin' thing - that's not work; that's just fun. Three days in the recording studio going mad, then the animators do all the work. Not a bad way to cash a large check, my friend. "

" Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet. "

" I loved school, maybe too much, really. I was summa cum laude in high school. I was driven that way. "

" The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' "

" A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. "

" Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma. "

" I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. "

" I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours. "

" Winning an Oscar is an honor, but, between you and me, it does not makes things easier. "