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" Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. "

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" Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah. "

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" For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see. "

" I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out. "

" It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work. "

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" Sometimes you have to make a movie to make money. "

" Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. "

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" I'm much more open to being a supporting actor right now. At the age of 60, I'll be second fiddle. Fine. I'm happy to do it. "

" Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work! "

" Carpe per diem - seize the check. "

" I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It's vivid that way. I can't type it into an iPad - I think that would put a filter into the process. "

" When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?' "

" The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything. "

" I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours. "

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" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

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" You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous. "

" You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand. "

" Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly. "

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" Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person. "