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" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "

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" Britain's such a twisted, weird little place. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "

" It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot. "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "

" The BBC is a victim of its own independence. "

" It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating. "

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "

" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" I think the word is adult! "

" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "

" I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy. "

" I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it. "

" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "

" I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive. "

" Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean. "

" I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long. "

" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "