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" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

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" My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me. "

" I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long. "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "

" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "

" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "

" Britain's such a twisted, weird little place. "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "

" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

" Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV. "

" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "

" Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean. "

" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "

" I think the word is adult! "

" If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt. "

" In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much! "

" I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy. "

" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "

" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "

" I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time. "

" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "

" Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch. "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "