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" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "

Graham Norton

People

Famous

Lucky

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" I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it. "

" One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life. "

" I am very quick to judge. "

Graham Norton

Quick

Judge

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "

" Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch. "

" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "

" I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.' "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

Graham Norton

Life

Moving

" All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth. "

" You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend. "

" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "

" I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time. "

" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

Graham Norton

Unhappy

Childhood

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "

" I think the word is adult! "

" Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV. "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "

" I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste. "

" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "

" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt. "

Graham Norton

Going

Adopt

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them. "