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" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

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" Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV. "

" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

" I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.' "

" Britain's such a twisted, weird little place. "

" All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth. "

" Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean. "

" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "

" It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot. "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy. "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "

" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "

" The BBC is a victim of its own independence. "

" You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people. "

" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "

" I am very quick to judge. "

" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "

" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "

" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "

" I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive. "

" One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life. "

" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "

" Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'. "

" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "

" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "