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" I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive. "
Graham Norton
Singing
Alive
Heart
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" Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch. "
Graham Norton
Perky
Planet
State
" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "
Graham Norton
Wants
Think
Gay
" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "
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Hate
People
Profile
" I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time. "
Graham Norton
Long
Long Time
Money
" I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste. "
Graham Norton
Bad Taste
Think
Taste
" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "
Graham Norton
Relationship
Bliss
Funny
" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "
Graham Norton
Good
Friday
Day
" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "
Graham Norton
People
Really
Bad
" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "
Graham Norton
Could
Life
My Life
" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "
Graham Norton
Money
Young
Lottery
" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "
Graham Norton
Good
Living
Success
" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "
Graham Norton
Gift
Terrible
Just
" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "
Graham Norton
Case
Room
My Life
" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "
Graham Norton
Home
People
Brain
" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "
Graham Norton
Bored
Want
Up
" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "
Graham Norton
You
Be Nice
Nice
" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "
Graham Norton
Exceeded
Wanted
Ever
" I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it. "
Graham Norton
Cope
Gay
I Am
" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "
Graham Norton
Thought
Society
Men
" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "
Graham Norton
Retire
London
Middle
" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "
Graham Norton
Me
Life
Moving
" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "
Graham Norton
People
Famous
Lucky
" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "
Graham Norton
Against
Government
Will
" One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life. "
Graham Norton
Love Life
Love
Life
" It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating. "
Graham Norton
Shallow
Member
Public
" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "
Graham Norton
Unhappy
Childhood
Like
" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "
Graham Norton
Myself
Unhappy
Than
" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "
Graham Norton
Awful
Very
Lot
" If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt. "
Graham Norton
Going
Adopt
Me
" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "
Graham Norton
Interesting
Nothing
My Life