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" I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them. "
Colin Quinn
Audience
Say
People Say
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" I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her. "
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Crazy
Two
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" Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are. "
Colin Quinn
Humanity
Great
Back
" I always wanted to write as much as perform. "
Colin Quinn
Wanted
Write
Perform
" Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves. "
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Bad
Matter
Everyone
" When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers. "
Colin Quinn
School
Know
Look
" I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian. "
Colin Quinn
York
Actor
Understand
" The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either. "
Colin Quinn
Life
You
Worth
" With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs. "
Colin Quinn
Understanding
You
Comedians
" My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in. "
Colin Quinn
Situation
Place
World
" For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor. "
Colin Quinn
Friends
Always
Say
" I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them. "
Colin Quinn
Guy
Who
Smarter
" He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "
Colin Quinn
Good
People
Place
" I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "
Colin Quinn
Think
Feel
Good
" That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky. "
Colin Quinn
Being
Job
Lucky
" I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself. "
Colin Quinn
History
Situation
People
" So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation. "
Colin Quinn
Situation
War
Violence
" I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America. "
Colin Quinn
America
Never
China
" Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it. "
Colin Quinn
You
Days
Get
" My name has zero value. "
Colin Quinn
Name
Value
Zero
" I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it. "
Colin Quinn
Look
Feel
Empires
" I like guy stuff. "
Colin Quinn
Stuff
Like
Guy
" Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting. "
Colin Quinn
Most
Career
Interesting
" I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ. "
Colin Quinn
Myself
Think
Real
" The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems. "
Colin Quinn
Crazy
Mind
People
" It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything. "
Colin Quinn
Trade
Crazy
Would
" Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type. "
Colin Quinn
You
Funny
Cake
" I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway. "
Colin Quinn
Think
Work
You
" People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper. "
Colin Quinn
Money
Present
People
" I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write. "
Colin Quinn
I Love
Poetry
Love
" Everybody's funny in different ways. "
Colin Quinn
Ways
Different
Everybody