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" I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America. "

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" The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either. "

Colin Quinn

Life

You

Worth

" So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation. "

" A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen. "

" I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any. "

" Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult. "

" Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are. "

" Everybody's funny in different ways. "

" I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it. "

" For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor. "

" I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her. "

" I like guy stuff. "

Colin Quinn

Stuff

Guy

" He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "

" Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type. "

" That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky. "

" I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial. "

Colin Quinn

Superficial

Big

" I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "

" Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles. "

" I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway. "

" I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian. "

" The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests. "

" Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves. "

" The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems. "

" You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it. "

" I always wanted to write as much as perform. "

" The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things. "

Colin Quinn

Thinking

People

" I was a class clown. "

" With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs. "

" If I had to give up everything else and keep just one aspect of the job, I'd have to keep writing because I love it. Yes, I enjoy performing, too. But I couldn't give up writing material. "

" My name has zero value. "

" I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself. "