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" So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation. "

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" Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult. "

Colin Quinn

Person

Dangerous

Hands

" I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial. "

Colin Quinn

Superficial

Big

" The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things. "

Colin Quinn

Thinking

People

" Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type. "

" I always wanted to write as much as perform. "

" A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen. "

" I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian. "

Colin Quinn

World

Say

" Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it. "

" I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit. "

" When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers. "

" With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs. "

" Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting. "

" You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers. "

" I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them. "

" I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America. "

" I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write. "

" You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything. "

" Everybody's funny in different ways. "

" People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper. "

" You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody. "

" He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "

" The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either. "

" The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests. "

" That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky. "

" I like guy stuff. "

Colin Quinn

Stuff

Guy

" I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any. "

" It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything. "

" I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ. "

" Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are. "

" I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them. "