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" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

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" Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "

" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. "

" I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. "

" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "

" Better a broken promise than none at all. "

" Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. "

" It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. "

" God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. "

" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. "

" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "

" Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. "

" Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "

" Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. "

" Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. "

" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. "

" There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. "

" India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. "