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" You always think you're better than you are in the beginning. "

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" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "

" If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape, I tend to go nuts. "

" I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage. "

" I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy. "

" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it. "

" I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up. "

" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

" My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act. "

" I will not be misquoted! "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "

" I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. "

" I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "

" I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it. "