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" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

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" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later. "

Sabrina Carpenter

" Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting. "

" A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. "

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "

" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "

Christopher Fry

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

Michael Morpurgo

" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" Like most people, I am an enormous fan of movies. "

" It's funny: the one time I got star-struck was when I met Snoop Dogg. I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, man.' "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. "

Flannery O'Connor

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "

" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. "

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "

Raymond Chandler

" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "