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" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "

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" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

Jean Baudrillard

" If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. "

" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

" I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone. "

" I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' "

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

Judah Friedlander

" As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats. "

Larry the Cable Guy

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "

" I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said, 'Wolper, until two weeks ago, your tombstone was going to say, 'David Wolper, the man who produced 'Roots.' I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It's going to be 'David Wolper, the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.' "

David L. Wolper

" People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi. "

" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "

Richard Dawkins

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. "

" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "

Tallulah Bankhead

" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "

" I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. "

" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" My life needs editing. "