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" Mike Judge is my Jonathan Swift, and I say that because I don't know any other satirists. But the problem with satire is that it's so easily misinterpreted. "

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" It is good to connect to someone who reminds you that you have some real authenticity. "

" Most things I get hired on, I get hired because I improvise something funny, or they just think I look weird. "

" I wouldn't want to be Superman. Batman would be cool. But the one I've always wanted to play is the Joker. There is a maniacal and dangerous side to me. "

" I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'. "

" Everybody asks me what it was like to be in my underwear for my network television debut. "

" We try and reflect that there's a lot of optimism, there's a lot of positive things that are happening in 'Silicon Valley'. "

" J. P. Morgan. He was kind of a douche. "

" I think it is very important to be a method actor. "

" You just put yourself into your work, and you can do anything you want, depending on how hard you want to work for it. "

" I'm always so amazed by which performances work really, really well and which ones don't. But I think it's just mostly, 'She's Out Of My League,' so many people saw that movie on DVD and on the plane. Just millions of people saw that movie. That's the reason I'm somewhat famous. "

" Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates. "

" I do comedy to give people an ephemeral escape from the tragedy that permeates everyday life. "

" I don't know that I would host the Golden Globes or the Emmys because I don't think they have the appreciation for irreverence that the Critics Choice does. "

" I think I'm just a comedian who's a pretty good con man, and I don't see that changing any time soon. "

" If you're a psychologist, you can instrumentally change peoples lives for the better. But you can only do that for about 300 people to maybe a thousand people - if you're really prolific and you're working really hard. "

" The moment in which you make somebody laugh, you're only doing it to make them laugh and be happy. Then afterward you can be like, 'Oh, I just want the attention. I feel so good that everybody's listening to me and I got the approval that I need.' "

" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "

" I consider myself a fairly ethical individual while I do have a lot of dichotomies within me. We're all victims of our own hypocrisy at times. "

" We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed. "

" I love Denver. "

" I feel a strong affinity to Ke$ha and Katy Perry and a lot of these women who are really pushing the girl power femme fatale thing. It's fun, and it's unapologetic, and they tell women they can do whatever they want, and that's true, and that's a message that I want to carry, to tell girls they can do whatever they want. "

" I feel like I've forcefully been thrust into the tech world, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. "

" Slowly but surely, I went through different phases of fame, and each rises you further into isolation and alienation. "

" To be honest, I would never have imagined myself acting on a sitcom that I didn't write. "

" I love writing but not crazy meticulous/prepared enough to be a director. I'd work as a gaffer on something. "

" People dream their whole lives of their Oscar speech; I dreamt my whole life of hosting the Oscars. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" My father really told me, seriously, if you want something, you can have it, but you may have to work harder than anyone else around you. "

" I was the Head Boy of East High School in 1999. I represent 303 - the area code, not the band - Mile High, until I die. I'm 31, a comedian; I juggle, but I don't glove it. I think waxed mustaches run a very thin line between hipster and 1800s barkeep. "

" I don't know how much the economy has changed since Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal.' "