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" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "
" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "
" I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out. "
" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "
" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "
" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "
" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "
" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "
Charles M. Schulz
" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "
" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "
Logan Pearsall Smith
" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "
" I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny. "
" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "
" You cannot dictate what people find funny, what people find attractive, or what people find scary. There is not a norm. "
Guillermo del Toro
" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "
" When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic. "
" Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. "
" Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. "
" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
" Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. "
" I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different paths they take. "
" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "
" We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species. "
" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "
George Bernard Shaw
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
" I've had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn't get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard. "
" I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. "
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
" I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.' "
" They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny. That made me the coolest aunt on earth. "
" Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends. "