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" Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. "

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" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? "

" I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. "

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. "

" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "

" Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. "

" Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. "

" I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. "

" I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. "

" Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "

" Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. "

" Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. "

" I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. "

" Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself. "

" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "

" Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. "

" Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks. "

" Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "