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" The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests. "
Colin Quinn
Live
Only
People
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" So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation. "
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Situation
War
Violence
" Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles. "
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Sense
Sense Of Humor
Different
" Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are. "
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Humanity
Great
Back
" I always wanted to write as much as perform. "
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Wanted
Write
Perform
" Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type. "
Colin Quinn
You
Funny
Cake
" Everybody's funny in different ways. "
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Ways
Different
Everybody
" I like guy stuff. "
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Stuff
Like
Guy
" I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows. "
Colin Quinn
Working
Movies
Stuff
" I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them. "
Colin Quinn
Audience
Say
People Say
" For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor. "
Colin Quinn
Friends
Always
Say
" I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them. "
Colin Quinn
Guy
Who
Smarter
" I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any. "
Colin Quinn
Though
Think
Even
" You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers. "
Colin Quinn
Money
Nothing
Pay
" You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it. "
Colin Quinn
Funny
Small
Small Things
" I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian. "
Colin Quinn
World
Like
Say
" When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers. "
Colin Quinn
School
Know
Look
" People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper. "
Colin Quinn
Money
Present
People
" Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it. "
Colin Quinn
You
Days
Get
" I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. "
Colin Quinn
Think
Feel
Good
" A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen. "
Colin Quinn
Face
Weird
Everything
" The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems. "
Colin Quinn
Crazy
Mind
People
" That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky. "
Colin Quinn
Being
Job
Lucky
" The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either. "
Colin Quinn
Life
You
Worth
" I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian. "
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York
Actor
Understand
" Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult. "
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Person
Dangerous
Hands
" My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in. "
Colin Quinn
Situation
Place
World
" Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting. "
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Most
Career
Interesting
" I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her. "
Colin Quinn
Crazy
Two
Think
" I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself. "
Colin Quinn
History
Situation
People
" I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ. "
Colin Quinn
Myself
Think
Real