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" Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. "

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" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. "

" Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. "

" Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. "

" I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time. "

" I can live for two months on a good compliment. "

" It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. "

" But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? "

" Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. "

" There are lies, damned lies and statistics. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Necessity is the mother of taking chances. "

" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "

" Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

" Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. "

" Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. "

" The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. "

" Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. "

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. "