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" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "

Charles M. Schulz

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" I was always good at being observationally funny - like, contributing something funny to the conversation. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "

Wendi McLendon-Covey

" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "

" Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do. "

" I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. "

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

Abraham Lincoln

" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different paths they take. "

Anthony Bourdain

" When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding. "

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "

" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. "

" If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial. "

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "