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" I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. "

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" I like marriage. The idea. "

" If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There's no way around these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor. "

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "

" There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me. "

" In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "

" Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "

" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "

" If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity. "

" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "

" I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out. I'm not proud. "

" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "

Leonardo DiCaprio

" I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. "

" I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "

Abraham Lincoln

" The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. "

Seann William Scott

" I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny. "

" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "

" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "