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" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

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" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "

Wendi McLendon-Covey

" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering

" Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. "

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff. "

" The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans. "

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" Memories are doing funny things to us. "

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. "

" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

Gilbert Gottfried

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "

" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. "

Bernard Sahlins

" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

Cathy Guisewite

" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "

" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "

" The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man. "

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield