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" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

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" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and movie stars in general, but I've had a great opportunity to meet a lot of them, and maybe it's just because they don't behave that way around me, but I rarely see that kind of abuse of power. "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

" Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh, so writing comedy comes naturally to me. "

" You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. "

" Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. "

Stephen Hawking

" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

" To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! "

Chad Michael Murray

" A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. "

" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "

" Let's have some new cliches. "

" There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast. "

J. Michael Straczynski

" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "

" But it's funny that now I'm in such a happy situation, I look more objectively at my own past and see what others have seen for a long time and I'm just so glad I've been able to get to this point. "

" Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. "

Bernard Sahlins

" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "

" Reality continues to ruin my life. "

" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "

" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "

Garry Shandling

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "

" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "

" Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger