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All Quotes by author - W. C. Fields

" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "

" Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. "

" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "

" Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. "

" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "

" A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "

" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "

" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "

" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "

" Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? "

" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "

" Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. "

" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "

" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "

" I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. "

" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "

" I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "

" I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do. "

" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "

" I drink therefore I am. "

" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "

" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "

" I like children - fried. "

" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "

" I must have a drink of breakfast. "

" I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. "

" I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. "

" I never met a kid I liked. "

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