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" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

Cathy Guisewite

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" I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school. "

" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "

" A word to the wise is infuriating. "

Hunter S. Thompson

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

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" Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me. "

" I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. "

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Flannery O'Connor

" I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now. "

Cathy Guisewite

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh, so writing comedy comes naturally to me. "

" I have an unfortunate personality. "

" Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material. "

Cathy Guisewite

" My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. "

" I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. "

" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "

" There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer. "

" Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" I like marriage. The idea. "

" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "

" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "

Stephen Leacock

" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "

" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "