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" It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown. "
" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "
" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "
" It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably have some chicken or pasta, though never the two together, and maybe go out for a quick wander around. "
" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "
" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "
" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "
" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "
" Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. "
" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "
" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "
" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "
" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "
" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "
" I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. "
" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "
" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "
" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "
" All generalizations are false, including this one. "
" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "
" One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself. "
" I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. "
" I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone. "
" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "
" 'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being funny. It was kind of like an arrival moment. "
" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "
" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "
" 'I Love You, Man' was kind of funny. "
" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "
" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "
" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "