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" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

Benjamin Franklin

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" It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was a comedy - I didn't exactly think of myself as leader-of-the-free-world material. "

" There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish our wants or augment our means - either may do - the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens to be easier. "

Benjamin Franklin

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. "

" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "

" If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. "

" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. "

Benjamin Franklin

" Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other. "

Benjamin Franklin

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues. "

" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

Christopher Plummer

" Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble. "

Benjamin Franklin

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. "

Benjamin Franklin

" For my own part, I wish the bald eagle had not been chosen the representative of our country. He is a bird of bad moral character. He does not get his living honestly. "

Benjamin Franklin

" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "

Tallulah Bankhead

" At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" I'm not that good looking. That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny. "

" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "

" Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75. "

Benjamin Franklin

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

" Marriage is the most natural state of man, and... the state in which you will find solid happiness. "

Benjamin Franklin

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. "

" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "