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" Yeah, race exists. Racism is still here, and it's doing well. Turn on the news. I don't think me and my comedy can really change that. "

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" The most romantic thing I ever did to my woman? I painted her toenails! "

" The further you go, what, I'm gonna wait til I'm 80? Naw, I'm tellin' my story now. I was just moved. I was moved to tell my story. You know? People write books all the time. "

" We have freedom of speech, but you got to watch what you say. "

Freedom Of Speech

" Comedy should be easy, not laboured. "

" For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business. "

" If I had to describe my sense of humor, I would say it's contemporary wit, you know what I'm saying? "

" My life growing up was a twisted Bronx version of 'The Color Purple.' It had a much different soundtrack and no trees, but that desperation was the same. "

" You will be surprised but I do a lot of studying and I watch National Geographic. "

" I love '30 Rock' because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week. "

" Life smacks Tracy Morgan in the face, and I don't mean to talk in third party, but no, it doesn't stop raining when I come outside, no, absolutely not. I'm very in touch. "

" I love working with Alec Baldwin. He's one of the five greatest actors ever to live. "

" When I want to work on my material, I go to Benihana or the barbershop. "

" You gotta understand, my great-grandfather was German and Irish. My grandmother was Indian, and my grandfather was African-American, so we all got a little something in us. "

" So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah. "

" I want to show the world my humor. "

" I got five kids - I claim three for income tax purposes. "

" I don't see myself as angry, although other people see that. I just see myself as a short, dumpy guy with bad feet, and I'm passionate. "

" It's like going to the zoo when you come to my house. I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. "

" Having boys is different. Boys, you put sneakers on, and they're out, they're ready. Girls, you gotta pay a little bit more attention to them. "

" If you're the kind of person who likes numbers and statistics, I'm the long shot - the Lotto Powerball winner. I'm the mutation in the DNA that makes evolution a reality. I am the new black. "

" I grew up in the projects in Brooklyn, and I consider myself lucky and blessed to be where I am - just working. "

" I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me. "

" When a child is born, it's born with a heart of gold, but the way of this world can turn that heart cold. I'm still a good person, and I thank God for that - He's working with me on it. "

" I guess I'm entertaining; I guess I'm interesting. I guess the things that I say sell papers. I guess they sell magazines. I don't know. "

" There aren't a lot of guys out there keeping it real. Everybody's been branded. Everybody's been bought and sold. "

" People walked out on Richard Pryor and he's the funniest man alive. "

" I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me. "

" Growing up in the ghetto is pretty hard. It's poverty; it's frustration. "

" Rock bottom for some people is death. Some people never learn from their mistakes. They don't learn from other people's mistakes. "

" Reality is the scary thing. Not my work, not comedy. "