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" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "
" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "
" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "
" The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. "
" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "
" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "
" However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. "
" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "
" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "
" An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. "
" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "
" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "
" Manners are love in a cool climate. "
" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "
" Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses. "
" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "
" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "
" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "
" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "
" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "
" Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost? "
" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "
Meant To Be
" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "
" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "
" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "
" There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings. "
" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "
" For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. "
" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "
" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "
" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "