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" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "

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" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "

Quentin Crisp

Imagine

Give

Force

" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "

" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "

" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "

" An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. "

" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "

" The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. "

" Men get laid, but women get screwed. "

" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "

" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "

" For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. "

" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "

" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "

" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "

" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "

Quentin Crisp

Sleep

Need

" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "

" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "

Quentin Crisp

Never

Level

" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "

Quentin Crisp

Trouble

Children

" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "

" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "

" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "

" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "

" Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses. "

" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "

" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "

" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "

" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "

" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "

" It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough. "

" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "