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" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "

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" For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. "

" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "

" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "

" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "

" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "

" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "

" The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. "

" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "

" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "

" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "

" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "

" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "

" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "

" Manners are love in a cool climate. "

" However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. "

" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "

" To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. "

" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "

" Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost? "

" Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses. "

" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "

" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "

" An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. "

" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "

" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "

" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "

" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "

" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "

" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "

" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "