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" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "
Quentin Crisp
Person
Sin
Reading
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" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "
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" The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. "
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" Manners are love in a cool climate. "
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" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "
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" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "
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" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "
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" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "
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" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "
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" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "
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" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "
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" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "
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" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "
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" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "
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" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "
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" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "
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" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "
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" An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. "
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" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "
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" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "
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" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "
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" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "
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" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "
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" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "
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" To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. "
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" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "
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" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "
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" Men get laid, but women get screwed. "
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" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "
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" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "
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" There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings. "
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