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" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "
Quentin Crisp
Wearing
Diplomatic
Unpleasant
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" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "
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" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "
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" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "
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Moving
" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "
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" To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. "
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Know
Despise
Everybody
" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "
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" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "
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" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "
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Happened
Grave
Funny
" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "
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Imagine
Give
Force
" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "
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Other
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" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "
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Last
Refuge
Sex
" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "
Quentin Crisp
Parents
Problem
Young
" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "
Quentin Crisp
Dress
Wearing
Simply
" There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings. "
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Winter
Money
Long
" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "
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Trouble
Children
" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "
Quentin Crisp
Meant To Be
Farm
Good
" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "
Quentin Crisp
Tolerance
Simple
Freedom
" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "
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Opinion
People
Purpose
" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "
Quentin Crisp
Sleep
Need
More
" Men get laid, but women get screwed. "
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Get
Laid
Men
" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "
Quentin Crisp
Love
Foundation
Enough
" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "
Quentin Crisp
Nothing
Misfortunes
Laugh
" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "
Quentin Crisp
Fire
You
Open
" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "
Quentin Crisp
Live
Universe
Human
" Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost? "
Quentin Crisp
Lost
World
Whole
" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "
Quentin Crisp
Over
Never
Won
" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "
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Genius
Poverty
Having
" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "
Quentin Crisp
Succeed
Failure
First
" It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough. "
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Enough
Last
Relationships
" The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. "
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Treat
Relationship
Achieving