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" When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in. "

Karl Pilkington

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" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "

Karl Pilkington

" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "

Karl Pilkington

" Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what 'famous' is, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" With acting, I didn't get much from it. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

Karl Pilkington

" Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says. "

Karl Pilkington

" All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "

Karl Pilkington

" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this. "

Karl Pilkington

" When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight. "

Karl Pilkington

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

Karl Pilkington

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

Karl Pilkington

" Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on? "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington