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" I can resist everything except temptation. "

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" The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic. "

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "

" What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?' "

" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "

" Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. "

" My kind of wanting to be funny didn't come from need, necessarily. The closest I can analyze it is that it was an easy way to make friends, I found out. It was just a great kind of social tool. "

" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "

" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "

George Bernard Shaw

" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "

" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "

Sparky Anderson

" I always find it actually funny that the analysis is that the characters I play in comedies are the manchild, the adolescent, characters that refuse to grow up. And yet, if you look back in the history of comedy all the way back to the Marx brothers, that's a big part of comedy. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time. "

" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "

Bertrand Russell

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy. "

George A. Romero

" London is too full of fogs and serious people. Whether the fogs produce the serious people, or whether the serious people produce the fogs, I don't know. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

Gilbert Gottfried

" I never said most of the things I said. "

" Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life. "

" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" The musicals that I loved, growing up - many, many. 'Singing in the Rain,' of course, is a classic, I love 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I love 'Funny Face,' Stanley Donen's beautiful movie. It's really countless for me. "

" I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. "

" It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger. "