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" For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy. "

George A. Romero

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" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. "

" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

Christopher Plummer

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "

" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "

Jennifer Aniston

" I have a soft spot in my heart for the zombies. "

George A. Romero

" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "

Mercedes McCambridge

" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "

" My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. "

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "

" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was a comedy - I didn't exactly think of myself as leader-of-the-free-world material. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "

Mary-Kate Olsen

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "

" I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. "

" I like guys who are understandable and good guys who are flawed. "

George A. Romero

" What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?' "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again. "

Esther Williams

" I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "

" Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace. "