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" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "
Sparky Anderson
Me
Like
Funny
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" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "
Arthur C. Clarke
Intelligence
Funny
Survival
" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "
H. L. Mencken
Believe
Average
Ape
" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "
Garrett Hedlund
Look
Funny
Face
" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "
George Takei
Lot
Likes
Pictures
" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "
Michael J. Fox
Marry
Funny
Up
" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "
Conan O'Brien
People
You
Say
" We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. "
W. H. Auden
Funny
Earth
Know
" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "
Luvvie Ajayi
Art
Funny
Humor
" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "
Steve Carell
Person
Else
Funny
" I don't mean to be funny. "
Yogi Berra
Funny
Mean
" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "
Eric Idle
Survival
Funny
People
" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "
Isaac Asimov
New
Most
Hear
" Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real. "
Gloria Steinem
Women
Funny
Good
" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "
Seth MacFarlane
Hard
Being
Being Funny
" When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. "
Lewis Black
Funny
" I like marriage. The idea. "
Toni Morrison
Idea
Funny
Like
" If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. "
Abraham Lincoln
Me
Bring
Coffee
" I don't want to embarrass any other catcher by comparing him to Johnny Bench. "
Sparky Anderson
Catcher
Want
Bench
" I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes. "
Kevin Hart
Funny
Happen
Me
" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Will
Best
Style
" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
Groucho Marx
Someone
Send
Funny
" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "
Charlotte McKinney
Light
Work
Fun
" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "
Tim Allen
Positive
Funny
Good
" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "
Sylvia Plath
Dark
Hair
Eyes
" I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone. "
Rachel McAdams
Funny
Art
Quality
" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "
R. L. Stine
Scary
Planned
Never
" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "
Tom Hiddleston
You
Best
Funny
" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "
Ivan Reitman
Humor
Good
Long
" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "
Frank Sinatra
Through
You
Whatever
" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "
Dwayne Johnson
Moment
Thought
Men