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" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "

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" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "

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" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" Fencing is a funny sport. Competitive fencing is not really very applicable to the stage world unless you're fighting with a rapier during the Renaissance, you know? "

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" If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain. "

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" I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. "

Hillary Clinton

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" 'Danger Girl' can be ridiculous, but sometimes it's funny. "

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it. "

" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "

" Be obscure clearly. "

" I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. "

" Life is hard. It is. And it's like, I don't want anybody feeling any pain. "

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "

" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "

George Bernard Shaw

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering