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" I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. "
Dane Cook
Get
I Can
Funny
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" If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. "
Robin Williams
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Women
Just
" I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it. "
Dane Cook
Nobody
Comedy
I Can
" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "
Todd Phillips
School
Darkness
Funny
" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "
Jeff Dunham
Learn
Think
People
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "
J. K. Rowling
You
Rich
Know
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
Fran Lebowitz
Funny
Only
You
" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "
Barbara Corcoran
Funny
Back
Back Up
" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "
Thomas Szasz
Good
Funny
Make
" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "
Alexander Woollcott
Like
Illegal
Funny
" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "
Conor McGregor
Me
See
Difference
" It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. "
Dave Grohl
Funny
Child
Like
" From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. "
Dr. Seuss
Funny
Funny Things
Here
" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "
Frank Lloyd Wright
Chewing Gum
Eyes
Funny
" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "
Lily Tomlin
Realize
More
Funny
" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "
Anna Held
Flirt
Eyes
Funny
" Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. "
Henry Kissinger
Thought
Funny
Only
" It's funny because I've made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say. "
Kanye West
You
Funny
Living
" People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. "
Logan Pearsall Smith
Funny
Reading
Say
" When you're eight years old nothing is your business. "
Lenny Bruce
Nothing
Your
Funny
" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "
Dave Barry
Building
Water
Universe
" The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness. "
Sam Shepard
Success
Success Is
Emptiness
" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "
Grimes
Could
Funny
Down
" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "
Les Dawson
You
Personal
How
" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "
Matthew Desmond
Funny
People
Life
" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "
Lucille Ball
Humor
Am
Brave
" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "
Marilyn Manson
Funny
Because
Me
" The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. "
Seann William Scott
Jealous
Life
My Life
" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "
Kapil Sharma
She
Line
Kind