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" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "

Mercedes McCambridge

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" Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands. "

" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "

" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "

" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "

" Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "

" I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day. "

Matthew Lillard

" I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. "

" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "

" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "

" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "

Richard Branson

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "

" There is a saying that if you get something for free, you should know that you're the product. It was never more true than in the case of Facebook and Gmail and YouTube. You get free social-media services, and you get free funny cat videos. In exchange, you give up the most valuable asset you have, which is your personal data. "

Yuval Noah Harari

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. "

" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "

Charlotte McKinney

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "

" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "

" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "

" The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. "

" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "