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" Fencing is a funny sport. Competitive fencing is not really very applicable to the stage world unless you're fighting with a rapier during the Renaissance, you know? "

Kris Holden-Ried

Funny

Know

Stage

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" All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. "

Mitch Hedberg

Funny

Jokes

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands. "

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

" Who included me among the ranks of the human race? "

" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "

" You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

" Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. "

Jules Renard

You

Laziness

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff. "

" I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. "

Audrey Hepburn

Dance

Face

" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "

Idris Elba

Funny

Little Girls

" I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. "

" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "

" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "

Lily Tomlin

Realize

Funny

" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "

Ron White

Funny

You

" I know the nature of comedy, and you never know what will happen with the next movie or whether people will find it funny. "

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

" I actually did want to be an actor when I was younger, but my father didn't want to hear anything about it. And you know what? I went with his decision. I said, 'Yeah, maybe you're right. I don't know anything about acting.' "

" I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "