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" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

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" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "

Edward M. Lerner

" I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. "

" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" 'Danger Girl' can be ridiculous, but sometimes it's funny. "

" Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. "

Stephen Hawking

" In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. "

" It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified. "

Gilbert K. Chesterton

" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "

" There's one thing about baldness, it's neat. "

" At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.' "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "

" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "

Bertrand Russell

" I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. "

Robert Benchley

" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "

" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

" You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time. "

Michael Schumacher

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "

" I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. "

" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" The thing about Broadway, they always welcome you with open arms. "

" It's funny what memory does, isn't it? My favorite holiday tradition might not have happened more than once or twice. But because it is such a good memory, so encapsulating of everything I love about the holidays, in my mind it happened every year. Without fail. "

" Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. "

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. "

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" I think serial monogamy says it all. "

" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "