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" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "
Demetri Martin
Funny
Kid
Me
Related Quotes:
" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "
Garry Shandling
Curious
Funny
Know
" I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff. "
Rhys Darby
Always
Way
Love
" Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. "
Lewis Mumford
Our
Funny
Flower
" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "
Tommy Cooper
Funny
Shopping
Windows
" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "
Unknown
Drink
Fish
Never
" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "
Eric Andre
Die
Funny
Think
" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
You
Sit
Me
" I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. "
Steven Wright
Funny
Included
Some
" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "
Joan Rivers
Life Is Hard
Funny
Tough
" I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it. "
Kailash Kher
Language
You
Funny
" The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to myself and whistling and the next day he's said something I've said... it's scary you know? "
Mick Ralphs
Walking
Me
Myself
" I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. "
Louis XIV
Funny
Sooner
Than
" I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. "
Les Dawson
Funny
Own
Trouble
" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "
Groucho Marx
Refuse
Club
Funny
" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "
Ivan Reitman
Humor
Good
Long
" My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "
Billy Connolly
Intellectual
Funny
Thinking
" Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "
Ronald Reagan
Your
Questions
Opening
" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "
Don Marquis
Listen
Pessimist
Who
" Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. "
James Joyce
America
Funny
Everyone
" I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.' "
Demetri Martin
I Think
Alone
Interesting
" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. "
Jay Leno
Two
Senators
Driver
" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "
Stephen Leacock
Fishing
People
Who
" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
Fred Allen
People
Like
Long
" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "
Brooke Nevin
Pet
Bed
Funny
" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "
Matthew Desmond
Funny
People
Life
" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "
Kurt Vonnegut
Try
Think
Done
" I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness. "
Keanu Reeves
World
Relationship
Funny
" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "
Joseph Bologna
Funny
Day
Texas
" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "
GloZell
Sad
People
Happy
" I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. "
George Burns
Spent
Sunday
Town