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" I love writing but not crazy meticulous/prepared enough to be a director. I'd work as a gaffer on something. "

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" People dream their whole lives of their Oscar speech; I dreamt my whole life of hosting the Oscars. "

" I acted in high school and studied at the British American Drama Academy in Oxford for one summer. I minored in theater, and I was always acting growing up and stuff, but really, I was just more interested in the comedy of it all. So for me, it's always comedy, and then acting is just one medium of comedy. "

" I care less about selling tickets and getting Twitter followers than I do about making as many people laugh as I can. I'd rather make people laugh than make them know who T.J. Miller is. "

" I'm always so amazed by which performances work really, really well and which ones don't. But I think it's just mostly, 'She's Out Of My League,' so many people saw that movie on DVD and on the plane. Just millions of people saw that movie. That's the reason I'm somewhat famous. "

" I would say that awards are for children. Because children need a tangible representation of their achievement. And as adults, you have to settle for the respect and admiration of your peers. "

" I think I'm just a comedian who's a pretty good con man, and I don't see that changing any time soon. "

" J. P. Morgan. He was kind of a douche. "

" When you get into a car, and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, 'Come on, dude.' Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, 'I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.' That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body. "

" By the very nature of satire or parody, you have to love and respect your target and respect it enough to understand every aspect of it, so you can more effectively make fun of it. "

" To be honest, I would never have imagined myself acting on a sitcom that I didn't write. "

" I consider myself a fairly ethical individual while I do have a lot of dichotomies within me. We're all victims of our own hypocrisy at times. "

" My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence. "

" Slowly but surely, I went through different phases of fame, and each rises you further into isolation and alienation. "

" It's much better to wreak havoc on a show and be a maniac than promote myself. Plugs and anecdotes aren't really in line with my beliefs. Besides, if someone sees me on a morning show and thinks, 'That's not funny; this guy is crazy,' then I don't want them to come to the show anyway. "

" One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together. "

" I try to be an ethical, moral person and a nice person, and I like to have that reflected in my comedy. I'm not a mean comedian, and I don't think that my comedy is mean. I think that for the most part, it's more focused on the diversity that we all handle and try to provide a distraction from the disaster of modern living. "

" You just put yourself into your work, and you can do anything you want, depending on how hard you want to work for it. "

" I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'. "

" Always remember: My general theme is 'There is no message.' There never has been. Stop trying to find the message or the meaning in everything. That's. My. Theme. "

" I don't really know how to act that much. I'm quite good at comedy, but it's mostly acting naturally. "

" It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be! "

" Life is hard. Not great. Kind of tragic. "

" I always like to have a buffer between me and journalism in general. Not just a reporter, but journalism. "

" I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles. "

" I feel like I've forcefully been thrust into the tech world, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. "

" My father always said I have a face for radio, and 'Cloverfield' was one of my finest pieces of work. "

" I love Denver. "

" We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed. "

" There is no place for a person like me in a world that only takes itself seriously. Satire is so necessary but fairly ineffective. "

" I can't stand Snapchat, but that will be extinct before it is relevant. "