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" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

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" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "

" I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. "

" I don't practice or write stuff down - everything I do onstage was just made up before I went on. "

" I didn't get married until I was 38. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "

" What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me. "

" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "

" After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business. "

" I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!' "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me. "

" Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel. "

End Of The Tunnel

" Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment. "

" I've never had a written script. "