Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. "
Demetri Martin
Friends
Growing Up
Know
Related Quotes:
" Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. "
Demetri Martin
Sometimes
Music
Building
" But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me. "
Demetri Martin
Direction
Dreams
Go
" I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. "
Demetri Martin
Three
Interesting
First
" When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults. "
Demetri Martin
Friend
Fat
You
" I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs. "
Demetri Martin
Keep
Like
Songs
" And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. "
Demetri Martin
Day
Looking
Looking Forward
" As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress. "
Demetri Martin
You
Creative
Person
" I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me. "
Demetri Martin
School
Work
College
" Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. "
Demetri Martin
Printed
Wise
Nothing
" I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' "
Demetri Martin
Decision
Today
Morning
" Let no man's deathbed be a futon. "
Demetri Martin
Deathbed
Man
" I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.' "
Demetri Martin
Money
Cool
You
" Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is. "
Demetri Martin
Die
Fun
Sometimes
" I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. "
Demetri Martin
My Own
Acting
Want
" For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' "
Demetri Martin
Church
You
School
" The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience. "
Demetri Martin
Feedback
I Can
Think
" Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. "
Demetri Martin
Holder
Balloon
Breath
" Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. "
Demetri Martin
Loser
Good
Time
" But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. "
Demetri Martin
Freedom
Found
Because
" I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' "
Demetri Martin
Game
Busy
Me
" I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.' "
Demetri Martin
You
Me
I Am
" Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. "
Demetri Martin
I Love
Love
Short
" I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line. "
Demetri Martin
Punch
Line
Short
" Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. "
Demetri Martin
Romantic
Fun
Survival
" I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone. "
Demetri Martin
Laugh
Me
Thought
" I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. "
Demetri Martin
Lady
Scale
Said
" Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral. "
Demetri Martin
Funeral
Saying
Same
" As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it. "
Demetri Martin
Thought
Up
Think
" When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. "
Demetri Martin
Always
Live
Skateboarding
" I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! "
Demetri Martin
Woman
Dog
Women