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" My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me. "
" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "
" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "
" You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend. "
" I think the word is adult! "
" I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive. "
" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "
" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "
" I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do. "
" It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating. "
" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "
" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "
" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "
" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "
" A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them. "
" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "
" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "
" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "
" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "
" Britain's such a twisted, weird little place. "
" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "
" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "
" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "
" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "
" In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much! "
" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "
" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "
" I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste. "
" I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it. "
" You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people. "
" One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life. "